I found God

=)=)

grateful

It's been such an interesting few months for me. I've been soaking everything in and learning, and being. And I am just really very happy right now. I've come to a lot of realizations and I guess if you would look at me just today from a few days ago, or a week ago, I am pretty different. I don't mean, I dyed my hair or anything, I mean if you observed how I act, etc. I have been building relationships here in Indy that I will cherish forever.

I love knowing that I am being accepted as who I really am, rather than false situations and false happinesses. (happinesses? I don't know. I'm gonna keep it anyway.) So, basically, I see beauty every day, everywhere. From when I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep at night. and everything in between. I just look around and think, "I am so grateful for everything in my life right now, I could not ask for any more at all, and I just love everything." Isn't that great?

Yeah, especially with it being winter! I love.

I wish I could put this feeling into words better, but basically, I'm just really content. and appreciative.

my heart is......full.

Oh. My. goodness.

My life is so incredibly crazy. I always make plans knowing they will change, but this is getting a little out of hand.

Anyway, here's a tiny update: I'm working for IDDS as an office assistant, good job, good pay, really happy there. There are options in the future, but I won't reveal those until I know for sure, as I don't want to get my hopes up and such. I am pretty happy overall, laughing a good amount, etc. However, at the moment I am somewhat down in the dumps... mostly just because it was one of those days, but also because I get lonely really easily. I hate how that word sounds, though. It's so pathetic. But, it's true. so....there's that. It's an ongoing thing, usually at night. Nights are always the hardest.

I need something.. I don't know what it is, but I know I need it. I can feel it creeping up every once in awhile... this need.. it's very familiar, yet very vague at the same time. Interesting.

Thanksgiving plans aren't too exciting. Carly and the family are here til Saturday, and Friday we go to My dad's girlfriends house for her holiday celebration andn whatnot. That's about it.

Been biking quite a bit recently, feels good. I don't want it to get cold so that I can't train on an actual bike though. booooo.


I have this feeling of being lost right now. it's always temporary, but it happens.


I'm all wumbly jumbly in my words, so I'm gonna go now.

I NEED SLEEP.

in limbo..

So, my job at the church ends on Friday. I will have a month and a half before I move to Florida. (I would go right away, but the holidays are coming up...etc.) I am going to be doing a lot of oddjobs here and there, you know, babysitting, etc. But, on top of that, I am going to volunteer my little tooshie off, so that I don't A) go crazy and B) spend the money I've been saving for Florida. no, that would be bad. It's going to be a hard month and a half, but I think as long as I just make good use of the time with something meaningful, it will fly by. I hope I get enough jobs here and there so that I don't spend too much money. And with the Holidays coming up, that's going to be expensive as well.

Atleast I'll get to catch up on some sleep for a little bit, right? And do some artwork. It's extremely difficult for me to not go visit people....I have lots of time, a good amount of money...and nothing to do. But I can't spend the money. I have to be responsible and have a good "cushion" of money so that if worst comes to worst, I will be okay.

I hate that. Especially when I miss people like crazy and they are so far away and I don't know when I will see them again.

I am also going to bike. A LOT. I mean, until I freeze. (Another advantage of going to Florida)

I have an extremely busy Wednesday - Sunday, and then a month of absolute nothingness. Interesting.

Everything is going well, though. That's the only interesting news I've gotten in the past week or however long it's been since I've posted on here...


Also, I freaking love sitting curled up in a blanket drinking chamomile and honey before sleeptime. That is just the best...if only I had someone to curl in the blanket with! Someday...

Ehhhh

I am very sleep deprived. I forget what a real sleep even feels like! This entire week has been the same kind of sleep. Waking up about avery 45 minutes wide awake. Who knows why, but then I stay up for atleast a half hour trying to go back to sleep. It isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

But last night was the worst. I woke up at 3:30am in agonizing pain. It was cramps, except that it was cramps from hell. I was so close to going to the hospital. and if you know me at all you know that I HATE going to the doctor, hospital, or anything related. So, if I do go, you know I'm in a lot of pain. If it wasn't at 3:30am and on my mother's birthday, I probably would've gone. Anyway, so I stayed up cringing and crying because of the pain for aroooouuund an hour and a half. It finally subsided, and I went back to sleep around 5 or 6. Oy. I. Need. Sleep.

it is amazing

Random acts of kindness. I tell you, they are what make the world a better place. Whether it's something you are consciously doing as an act of kindness, or something you just do, and it is perceived as an act of kindness....it. is. amazing.

Today, I woke up sort of grumpy. The kids were over, and of course they wake up aroun 5:30-6:30, which normally is fine, because then I just get up early to start the day. However, I could NOT sleep at all last night and didn't go to sleep until around 2:30am. So, waking up at 6am to screaming children wasn't exactly first on things I wanted to happen in my life. But of course, it did. Not to mention that horrible, horrible sound coming from the laundry room, that seriously gives me murderous thoughts (don't worry, only to appliances)....the dryer makes this buzzing sound that goes for a good 20 seconds straight when a load is done. the laundry room is about ten feet away from my bed. Whenever this sound goes off, I imagine that seen from that movie, where they throw appliances off a cliff and they blowup when they hit the groun. It drives me insane.

So, after shifting positions and putting the pillow over my head about 25 times throughout a period of about 2 and a half hours, I reluctantly drag myself out of bed a half hour before I have to leave. no breakfast or shower.

I am given a somewhat tedious, to me, kind of...not pointless, but...i-have-better-things-to-do-with-my-time task...

But then, A lady from the church comes in with my favorite meal from Panera, the mediteranean veggie sandwich, an apple, and iced tea, and sits with me for about 45 minutes and we have a delightful lunch.

Now, this may seem like a simple thing to happen during the day, however, my job is in an empty church all day long with little or no human interaction throughout the day. So, sitting and chatting with someone during lunch really makes it that much better for me. It made my week,and I am so very grateful for the genuine nice people, who are pleasant and awesome.

If you read this, take the time in the next week or so to do a random act of kindness. Send an anonymous package, buy someone lunch, give the cashier a twenty and say the next few coffees are from anonymous. It really, truly pays off. Because not only do you make someone's day or week, you also empower them to be proactive and make the day for someone THEY know...

Pay it forward.
=)

<3

So, here is my question for the day. Why do we focus so much on logic when making life altering decisions? (Before you laugh and brush that one off as a dumb question, read on.) Obviously, logic must be involved somewhat in these decisions, but as a society, we are increasingly finding it unacceptable to look at anything BUT logic. It isn't a great situation, if you ask me. We must INCORPORATE logic into our plans, while still sticking to the heart of the matter.

Let's take a look at love. Romantic relationships, marriages, what have you. If you are having trouble with your partner, and go to a friend for advice, do you think they would say, "well, is it logical? Does it make sense to be with this person? Will they help you out financially, is their genetic makeup one that would make gorgeous babies when mixed with yours? Will they help you keep a stable confidence of routine in your everyday life?" No, they would not ask you that. They would ask you one question. "Well, do you love them?" That's it. Because love knows no logic or plan.

In my personal experiences, love, well, it's pretty much life. No matter what kind. Without love there is no life, and it is the center of everything.

So, I don't know about you, but I'm going to follow my heart....follow the love. cause for me there is nothing more logical than that.



In the words of my favorite musician, Bob Sima:

Have you ever asked yourself...
Have you ever really sat down and asked yourself...
What is it that makes my head and my heart collide?
and what am I gonna do when it comes down to choosing sides?
Have you ever asked yourself..
Have you ever really sat down and asked yourself..
What is it that makes my soul catch fire?
and what is it that I really believe inside?
Have you ever really listened...
to that little voice inside your head?
Well when it really comes down to it,
you just shouldn't have to think about it
Well when it really comes down to it
you just go with your heart
'Cause it's easy to see where you're going
when you follow the love

What is it that makes my plans and my dreams collide?
and what am I gonna do when it comes down to choosing sides?

It's easy to see where you're going when you follow the love...
don't change your mind
don't change your mind
don't change your mind
don't change your mind
don't change your mind