So, I've been thinking. about the future, and all that crap.
I've always said I would go to school when I was ready. That I want to adventure as much as I can and LIVE life as much as possible before I commit to 4 years of somewhat dull classes and education.
Well, I'd say I've done pretty well with "living" life so far, enough in fact, that I know how to make the living interesting and fun, no matter what I'm doing. Because I used to have the mindset that if I'm not out traveling, being crazy, you know...DOING things, that I'd get caught up in the dull routine of going to a mediocre college, getting a mediocre degree, followed by a mediocre job....you get the idea.
However, what I've found on my journeys away from home, is that it really doesn't matter what you do...it's HOW you do it. School actually has a lot of other really cool opportunities other than just getting a degree. There are clubs, sports, organizations....really awesome ways to get involved. AND it is an awesome environment to be proactive and start BIG things. I think if I just go into it with a mindset of being ready, excited, and willing....well I think I could actually be REALLY happy at a university. Plus, it leaves the summers open for any travels I might want to take.
I think as long as I don't lose my main beliefs and values....the "me" I found while journeying....well, I think I'll be happy. :)
I really really REALLY want to go to school in the West. Preferably the West coast area. California has always had a hold on me. My friend is going to a school in Washington and it sounds like something I would REALLY love.
This is totally just thoughts and ideas, but I think I'll start applying soon...just in case. :)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Happiness
"Happiness only real when shared"
This was the quote that Christopher Mccandless wrote in a book while "living off the land", if you will. He was alone in the wilderness for quite sometime, and this was something he wanted to share near the end of his experiences in the wild.
I couldn't agree more with this quote, especially at this time in my life.
It can be compared easily to the lack of release for any other emotion, such as anger, sadness, desperation. We, as humans, need to express ourselves in order to stay sane. Most of us have learned from experiences what it is that helps us release emotions. Whether it be writing, playing music, listening to music, talking it out, exercise, or hugs, we know what we need to do for release. Some of us, and probably all of us at some point, forget to release, and keep everything bottled up. We have learned through numerous psychological studies and tests, that is is unhealthy to keep negative emotions bottled up inside.
The reasons we keep things pent up vary. My own reasoning is simply, why bother? Yes, I might get slightly irritated with a comment my mother makes, or the way a friend brushes off something very important to me, but what is the point in bringing it up when I know I will get over it extremely soon? I don't want to make things any more difficult than they are in everyday life. Might as well keep it smooth and carefree, right?
Some people disagree. "People have trouble managing anger and other negative emotions. Anger is often one of the few emotions men consider it "acceptable" to display.Studies show that the ability to identify and label emotions correctly, and talk about them straightforwardly to the point of feeling understood, makes negative feelings dissipate." says Hara Estroff Marano, an award winning writer for Psychology Today.
So, yes, it is evident that we hear all about the negative effects of not expressing out negative emotions when they come up. It's everywhere. On the news, in the papers...I don't think there is a professional out there that believes differently.
But have you ever heard of the negative effects of keeping POSITIVE emotions bottled up? Well....no. I mean, if talking about negative emotions makes them dissipate, then let's shut up about our happiness! I'll keep it all for myself, Thank you very much! Seems logical, right?
Wrong. You must release positive emotions as well....maybe not so much release as radiate..but either way. When you feel your heart fill with excitement, happiness, joy, etc., our first instinct is to jump up and down and tell the whole world. If we keep this feeling inside, it doesn't stay there and just keep you happy for a prolonged period of time....if you keep positive emotions bottled up, they dissipate, rather than the other way around.
So how do we express our happiness? True, we may write, play music, exercise, etc. just the same when we feel excited or joyous, however, the most fulfilling way to express these emotions is to talk to someone about them.
Now, as I understand it, if you run up to a stranger on the street with the utmost excitment and energy, and yell "GUESS WHAT!!?!? I FINALLY GOT THE PROMOTION I HAVE BEEN WANTING! YESSSS!!!"....there may be a select few people that would go with it and act just as excited, but I'm pretty sure the majority of the world would react in a perplexed-I'm dealing with a crazy person-please don't take my money- sort of way.
So to radiate happiness, and for it to be real in your own heart, you must find a friend or loved one, who understands your happiness or excitement. Someone you can share it with, and will want to celebrate with you.
Coming back to my personal life connection to this topic, this is the main reason I think moving to Florida is the right choice for me at this time. I am happy, sure, and yes, I have family and a few people I can share it with. However, it is that special bond, that relationship I have with Morgan and Katrina, who are going through a lot of the same things as I am in life, that makes it possible for them to understand my feelings and truly appreciate them for what they are. It makes a HUGE difference to me.
Not to mention, the amount of happiness created when with these two, mostly through laughter always, outweighs the monetary, etc. aspects of the situation.
:)
This was the quote that Christopher Mccandless wrote in a book while "living off the land", if you will. He was alone in the wilderness for quite sometime, and this was something he wanted to share near the end of his experiences in the wild.
I couldn't agree more with this quote, especially at this time in my life.
It can be compared easily to the lack of release for any other emotion, such as anger, sadness, desperation. We, as humans, need to express ourselves in order to stay sane. Most of us have learned from experiences what it is that helps us release emotions. Whether it be writing, playing music, listening to music, talking it out, exercise, or hugs, we know what we need to do for release. Some of us, and probably all of us at some point, forget to release, and keep everything bottled up. We have learned through numerous psychological studies and tests, that is is unhealthy to keep negative emotions bottled up inside.
The reasons we keep things pent up vary. My own reasoning is simply, why bother? Yes, I might get slightly irritated with a comment my mother makes, or the way a friend brushes off something very important to me, but what is the point in bringing it up when I know I will get over it extremely soon? I don't want to make things any more difficult than they are in everyday life. Might as well keep it smooth and carefree, right?
Some people disagree. "People have trouble managing anger and other negative emotions. Anger is often one of the few emotions men consider it "acceptable" to display.Studies show that the ability to identify and label emotions correctly, and talk about them straightforwardly to the point of feeling understood, makes negative feelings dissipate." says Hara Estroff Marano, an award winning writer for Psychology Today.
So, yes, it is evident that we hear all about the negative effects of not expressing out negative emotions when they come up. It's everywhere. On the news, in the papers...I don't think there is a professional out there that believes differently.
But have you ever heard of the negative effects of keeping POSITIVE emotions bottled up? Well....no. I mean, if talking about negative emotions makes them dissipate, then let's shut up about our happiness! I'll keep it all for myself, Thank you very much! Seems logical, right?
Wrong. You must release positive emotions as well....maybe not so much release as radiate..but either way. When you feel your heart fill with excitement, happiness, joy, etc., our first instinct is to jump up and down and tell the whole world. If we keep this feeling inside, it doesn't stay there and just keep you happy for a prolonged period of time....if you keep positive emotions bottled up, they dissipate, rather than the other way around.
So how do we express our happiness? True, we may write, play music, exercise, etc. just the same when we feel excited or joyous, however, the most fulfilling way to express these emotions is to talk to someone about them.
Now, as I understand it, if you run up to a stranger on the street with the utmost excitment and energy, and yell "GUESS WHAT!!?!? I FINALLY GOT THE PROMOTION I HAVE BEEN WANTING! YESSSS!!!"....there may be a select few people that would go with it and act just as excited, but I'm pretty sure the majority of the world would react in a perplexed-I'm dealing with a crazy person-please don't take my money- sort of way.
So to radiate happiness, and for it to be real in your own heart, you must find a friend or loved one, who understands your happiness or excitement. Someone you can share it with, and will want to celebrate with you.
Coming back to my personal life connection to this topic, this is the main reason I think moving to Florida is the right choice for me at this time. I am happy, sure, and yes, I have family and a few people I can share it with. However, it is that special bond, that relationship I have with Morgan and Katrina, who are going through a lot of the same things as I am in life, that makes it possible for them to understand my feelings and truly appreciate them for what they are. It makes a HUGE difference to me.
Not to mention, the amount of happiness created when with these two, mostly through laughter always, outweighs the monetary, etc. aspects of the situation.
:)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Beach Condo, Here I come!
It's official. I'm moving to Florida on December 30th. I will be starting the new year on the beach, which will be right across the street from the condo I live in with my two best friends. high five.
Meanwhile, in Indiana, the trees are the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I forget how AMAZINGLY beautiful autumn is.
Oh,and anyone is welcome to come visit in Sunny Florida if you get sick of cold wintery places.
I think that's all for now.
Toodle-oo
Meanwhile, in Indiana, the trees are the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I forget how AMAZINGLY beautiful autumn is.
Oh,and anyone is welcome to come visit in Sunny Florida if you get sick of cold wintery places.
I think that's all for now.
Toodle-oo
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Dork-a-licious
So,I'm reading a pretty funny book and I laugh out loud. I stop, look around, and face an extremely intense, serious realization: I am the biggest dork in the world. I'm in my room, reading, on a Saturday night, laughing out loud at this book by myself...okay, so this maybe isn't THAT abnormal, and not so dorky....but one more thing....
I'm in a onesie.
I was going to go on and explain how much of a dork I am, but I think that picture pretty much says it all.
You best be glad you know me. You know you love it.
I'm in a onesie.
I was going to go on and explain how much of a dork I am, but I think that picture pretty much says it all.
You best be glad you know me. You know you love it.
Rest and Rejuvenation
For the past two weeks or so I've been having trouble sleeping. I either can't sleep, or I go to sleep really easily and wake up about six times throughout the night. It has had a lot to do with the stress I've been dealing with through the whole future/infinite opportunities/decisions thing. So, last night, after a long and MUCH needed talk with my mother about what kind of things I need to do in order to go where I want and get things accomplished in an orderly manner, I finally got a good night's sleep. Eleven hours, to be exact.
SLEEP. DOES. WONDERS. It amazes me! After one good, long night of sleep, I was up and ready to go for the day. I went on a run, cleaned up a bit, drew for awhile, and wrote some letters,etc. Had someone told me yesterday that I would be doing all of this stuff today, I would have laughed in their face. I was mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted. Here's to weekends! *clink*
So, if you don't know this about me already, I'm someone who likes to have big ideas and plans and make them happen. Some people think of me as a very spontaneous, lets-go-to-rome-tomorrow, crazy person. Which....to a certain extent, I definitely am. But it's more like, I'm sitting with a group of people, we get our creative minds turning on some cool idea (ex. go taking food to the homeless on a weekend) and we all get really hyped about it, and I say, "okay. So let's do it." and then we do. I'm not an advocate for huge, life-changing decisions made in a split second. I actually think about my decisions fully and logically....most of the time. To a lot of people this Florida thing seems like a spur of the moment decision. Little do they know Morgan and Katrina and I have been talking about it since March. I just backed out in late June.
On a completely different topic, I have to raise $500 for Bike and Build within the first two months. Help me out?
This blog doesn't exactly have a point, but I guess that's sort of the point of blogs. I'm still getting used to having a blog that people can actually see. Strange difference.
Much love.
SLEEP. DOES. WONDERS. It amazes me! After one good, long night of sleep, I was up and ready to go for the day. I went on a run, cleaned up a bit, drew for awhile, and wrote some letters,etc. Had someone told me yesterday that I would be doing all of this stuff today, I would have laughed in their face. I was mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted. Here's to weekends! *clink*
So, if you don't know this about me already, I'm someone who likes to have big ideas and plans and make them happen. Some people think of me as a very spontaneous, lets-go-to-rome-tomorrow, crazy person. Which....to a certain extent, I definitely am. But it's more like, I'm sitting with a group of people, we get our creative minds turning on some cool idea (ex. go taking food to the homeless on a weekend) and we all get really hyped about it, and I say, "okay. So let's do it." and then we do. I'm not an advocate for huge, life-changing decisions made in a split second. I actually think about my decisions fully and logically....most of the time. To a lot of people this Florida thing seems like a spur of the moment decision. Little do they know Morgan and Katrina and I have been talking about it since March. I just backed out in late June.
On a completely different topic, I have to raise $500 for Bike and Build within the first two months. Help me out?
This blog doesn't exactly have a point, but I guess that's sort of the point of blogs. I'm still getting used to having a blog that people can actually see. Strange difference.
Much love.
Friday, October 16, 2009
My first blog
Everyone's doing it. This blog thing is all the new rage. I actually have three different ones. (pathetic, isn't it?) One is a somewhat private blog, that about two of my friends have access to. It's where I vent, about anything and everything, and I truly do go crazy. Another is the blog I plan to update while on my Bike and Build adventure . And then, there is this one.
This blog has many purposes (of course it does, it's me). Mostly to get feedback and thoughts on my analyzing of the world, people, actions, words, etc. If you know me at all, you know that I look far deeper into things than they are supposed to be looked into. I find meaning in everything. Which, yes, definitely has it's advantages. But a LOT of the time, it's disadvantages are what really stand out. (For example, I am overly sensitive. Someone might say something meaning absolutely no harm, and I will take it to the heart. then, MAYHEM.)
I digress.
Here, in this blog, I will ask questions, look for meaning, seek the truth. I will be ridiculous, surprise you with meaning towards things you never would've even believed to had purpose before. It will drive you crazy, and make you want to yell at me for complicating everything in life when really, it is so simple.
So yell. I want feedback. :) That is, if you can keep up.
I think this first one will be pretty simple and not too overly analytical, because I forgot the topic I was planning on writing about. Here goes.
I recently got back from a trip to Florida, where two of my very best friends, Morgan and Katrina reside.
We all have been best friends all throughout AmeriCorps. we helped eachother when our teams were getting on our nerves, when we didn't think we could take the militaristic aspects of the program any longer, when our site supervisor was giving us the motivation to punch them in the face daily. Through love problems, friend problems, life problems.
As you can imagine, after not seeing these girls for awhile, it was EXTREMELY refreshing. Being there with them made me feel great. FREE. You see, I forgot what it felt like.
There are two different kinds of friendships to me. There is the kind that is rooted from laughter, continued on through connections and commonalities, kept based on loyalty and being there. Then, there is the kind that is born out of boredom, continued through fun, and kept because of desperation. (okay, so it isn't that simple, and there are totally a plethora of different types of friendships. bare with me.) But these are the two that I have in my life right now. Not to "dog" on some of my friends here in Indy, but being in a program like AmeriCorps and going through it with someone....it creates a diffferent kind of bond you can't even imagine. A place where you can go. Not just people you can spend time with, but people who keep you sane.
These people, there is something about them, about the bond, the relationship....that makes you totally comfortable, totally okay with life, totally OKAY TO BE YOURSELF. There is absolutely no judgement, just support.
I forgot what that felt like until I went to Florida. It was fantastic, fun, full of laughter and good conversation.
And then I came back. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends here. but all of the sudden it all felt dull and boring to me. and I felt as though I couldn't be the fun, free spirit I really am. I was held down by expectations, responsibilities....cold weather. ;) Which, of course, I can't expect to have zero responsibility in life. but it is these friendships, these types of connections in life that you make....it is these, that make it all worthwhile. And I found out something. I really, really need that in my life.
I know I can't live life like a vacation. I know I have duties and obligations and adult things. However, I also know I need my girls to help me get through it. I have been thinking about moving to Florida ever since March (ish). I decided not too because we hadn't quite gotten the bond completely tied and I was worried it wouldn't work. Now, I can't stop thinking about it, and I miss them everyday. It's a bit ridiculous. I'm holding back tears at work because something really stupid will remind me of them.
A few people don't understand why I am even considering it. It's funny, how, to me, the simple solution, and the most obvious thing I need to do to be happy, is completely an idiotic thing to do in other's eyes.
I'm working on it. We will see. I will update.
For now, this is how I am feeling.
This blog has many purposes (of course it does, it's me). Mostly to get feedback and thoughts on my analyzing of the world, people, actions, words, etc. If you know me at all, you know that I look far deeper into things than they are supposed to be looked into. I find meaning in everything. Which, yes, definitely has it's advantages. But a LOT of the time, it's disadvantages are what really stand out. (For example, I am overly sensitive. Someone might say something meaning absolutely no harm, and I will take it to the heart. then, MAYHEM.)
I digress.
Here, in this blog, I will ask questions, look for meaning, seek the truth. I will be ridiculous, surprise you with meaning towards things you never would've even believed to had purpose before. It will drive you crazy, and make you want to yell at me for complicating everything in life when really, it is so simple.
So yell. I want feedback. :) That is, if you can keep up.
I think this first one will be pretty simple and not too overly analytical, because I forgot the topic I was planning on writing about. Here goes.
I recently got back from a trip to Florida, where two of my very best friends, Morgan and Katrina reside.
We all have been best friends all throughout AmeriCorps. we helped eachother when our teams were getting on our nerves, when we didn't think we could take the militaristic aspects of the program any longer, when our site supervisor was giving us the motivation to punch them in the face daily. Through love problems, friend problems, life problems.
As you can imagine, after not seeing these girls for awhile, it was EXTREMELY refreshing. Being there with them made me feel great. FREE. You see, I forgot what it felt like.
There are two different kinds of friendships to me. There is the kind that is rooted from laughter, continued on through connections and commonalities, kept based on loyalty and being there. Then, there is the kind that is born out of boredom, continued through fun, and kept because of desperation. (okay, so it isn't that simple, and there are totally a plethora of different types of friendships. bare with me.) But these are the two that I have in my life right now. Not to "dog" on some of my friends here in Indy, but being in a program like AmeriCorps and going through it with someone....it creates a diffferent kind of bond you can't even imagine. A place where you can go. Not just people you can spend time with, but people who keep you sane.
These people, there is something about them, about the bond, the relationship....that makes you totally comfortable, totally okay with life, totally OKAY TO BE YOURSELF. There is absolutely no judgement, just support.
I forgot what that felt like until I went to Florida. It was fantastic, fun, full of laughter and good conversation.
And then I came back. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends here. but all of the sudden it all felt dull and boring to me. and I felt as though I couldn't be the fun, free spirit I really am. I was held down by expectations, responsibilities....cold weather. ;) Which, of course, I can't expect to have zero responsibility in life. but it is these friendships, these types of connections in life that you make....it is these, that make it all worthwhile. And I found out something. I really, really need that in my life.
I know I can't live life like a vacation. I know I have duties and obligations and adult things. However, I also know I need my girls to help me get through it. I have been thinking about moving to Florida ever since March (ish). I decided not too because we hadn't quite gotten the bond completely tied and I was worried it wouldn't work. Now, I can't stop thinking about it, and I miss them everyday. It's a bit ridiculous. I'm holding back tears at work because something really stupid will remind me of them.
A few people don't understand why I am even considering it. It's funny, how, to me, the simple solution, and the most obvious thing I need to do to be happy, is completely an idiotic thing to do in other's eyes.
I'm working on it. We will see. I will update.
For now, this is how I am feeling.
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