This blog has many purposes (of course it does, it's me). Mostly to get feedback and thoughts on my analyzing of the world, people, actions, words, etc. If you know me at all, you know that I look far deeper into things than they are supposed to be looked into. I find meaning in everything. Which, yes, definitely has it's advantages. But a LOT of the time, it's disadvantages are what really stand out. (For example, I am overly sensitive. Someone might say something meaning absolutely no harm, and I will take it to the heart. then, MAYHEM.)
I digress.
Here, in this blog, I will ask questions, look for meaning, seek the truth. I will be ridiculous, surprise you with meaning towards things you never would've even believed to had purpose before. It will drive you crazy, and make you want to yell at me for complicating everything in life when really, it is so simple.
So yell. I want feedback. :) That is, if you can keep up.
I think this first one will be pretty simple and not too overly analytical, because I forgot the topic I was planning on writing about. Here goes.
I recently got back from a trip to Florida, where two of my very best friends, Morgan and Katrina reside.
We all have been best friends all throughout AmeriCorps. we helped eachother when our teams were getting on our nerves, when we didn't think we could take the militaristic aspects of the program any longer, when our site supervisor was giving us the motivation to punch them in the face daily. Through love problems, friend problems, life problems.
As you can imagine, after not seeing these girls for awhile, it was EXTREMELY refreshing. Being there with them made me feel great. FREE. You see, I forgot what it felt like.
There are two different kinds of friendships to me. There is the kind that is rooted from laughter, continued on through connections and commonalities, kept based on loyalty and being there. Then, there is the kind that is born out of boredom, continued through fun, and kept because of desperation. (okay, so it isn't that simple, and there are totally a plethora of different types of friendships. bare with me.) But these are the two that I have in my life right now. Not to "dog" on some of my friends here in Indy, but being in a program like AmeriCorps and going through it with someone....it creates a diffferent kind of bond you can't even imagine. A place where you can go. Not just people you can spend time with, but people who keep you sane.
These people, there is something about them, about the bond, the relationship....that makes you totally comfortable, totally okay with life, totally OKAY TO BE YOURSELF. There is absolutely no judgement, just support.
I forgot what that felt like until I went to Florida. It was fantastic, fun, full of laughter and good conversation.
And then I came back. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends here. but all of the sudden it all felt dull and boring to me. and I felt as though I couldn't be the fun, free spirit I really am. I was held down by expectations, responsibilities....cold weather. ;) Which, of course, I can't expect to have zero responsibility in life. but it is these friendships, these types of connections in life that you make....it is these, that make it all worthwhile. And I found out something. I really, really need that in my life.
I know I can't live life like a vacation. I know I have duties and obligations and adult things. However, I also know I need my girls to help me get through it. I have been thinking about moving to Florida ever since March (ish). I decided not too because we hadn't quite gotten the bond completely tied and I was worried it wouldn't work. Now, I can't stop thinking about it, and I miss them everyday. It's a bit ridiculous. I'm holding back tears at work because something really stupid will remind me of them.
A few people don't understand why I am even considering it. It's funny, how, to me, the simple solution, and the most obvious thing I need to do to be happy, is completely an idiotic thing to do in other's eyes.
I'm working on it. We will see. I will update.
For now, this is how I am feeling.
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